It's Not The Same
by Yankeesam32935
Summary: Set around 2.25. I'm taking a different approach to the whole sleeping with Vanessa and Jack thing with CB. This is just my way of how the show should have gone about it and not have made everything perfect between them. C/B.
1. Chapter 1

It's not the same- Oneshot

_A/N: This takes place directly after Blair and Chuck receive the text messages from Gossip Girl stating that they slept with Jack and Vanessa in episode 2.25. This is for Anja and everyone over at Ed's forum for encouraging me to still write. *HUGS* Enjoy!_

"You slept with Vanessa?"

"You slept with Jack?" Chuck looked at her with narrowed eyes and saw the guilty look that resided on her face and knew immediately that it was true. "Congratulations Blair. You've outdone yourself this time."

People looked in every direction at the two people in the center of the room facing each other ready to battle off.

He was oblivious to everyone around him except Blair. It was like they were the only two people in the room. "How could you?" His face twitched and the extreme disappointment that he felt for her showed on every facet of his face.

"Let's not do this here," she muttered while trying to maintain her image in front of most of their senior class. "Come on." Blair motioned towards an empty room.

"Do whatever the fuck you want." He stormed off towards the room that she had mentioned, but slammed the door in her face as soon as she was there.

She was aware of all the people that were muttering about her, but all she cared about right now was getting through to Chuck which she didn't think would be all that easy. She reopened the door and shut it quietly only to find Chuck pacing around the room in a huff of barely restrained anger.

His head popped up as he saw her silhouette standing in the doorway. "Leave me alone," his voice dripped venom and he wanted to hurt her, like she had just hurt him. She might as well have put a knife through his heart rather than do this. "For once do the right thing and just have enough sense to leave me the hell alone."

"Chuck," she started to advance towards him and the glare of the light shined off the silver sparkles of her dress. She looked more alluring and beautiful than ever, but he couldn't afford to think like that. He _had _to hold onto his anger. "You're not mad me at because of that, just like I'm not mad at you because of Vanessa."

He laughed. The bitterness crept into his voice. "You're not actually comparing me sleeping with Vanessa to you sleeping with my only living relative, are you?"

She nodded and shrugged her shoulders. "It's the same exact thing."

"You can't be serious," he looked into her eyes and saw the confusion there, "but you are. I slept with a wannabe hobo barista who means nothing. She was just a fuck. You know that. You on the other hand slept with my _uncle!" _He flung his hand in front of her fact to prove his point. "Vanessa is something that I've regretted since it happened. It was just a detour, but you knew how much sleeping with Jack would get to me."

Tears began to cloud Blair's vision, but he felt no empathy for her. She had brought it all on herself. "It didn't mean anything to me, Chuck. I was sad and I'm so sorry."

"You were sad?!?! Is that your excuse? So every time you're unhappy, I can expect this to happen?"

"Of course not."

"When did it happen?" He growled all the while shooting daggers out of his eyes at Blair.

"That's not important. What's important is that I wish it never did, but I can't change the past now."

"When did it happen?" Chuck repeated, still waiting for an answer.

"Chuck…"

"When the hell did it happen?!" his voice had raised full potential and Blair knew that she would be better off if she answered him.

"While you were in Bangkok." She said in a small voice, still not quite ashamed of herself though because to her it was the same thing as Chuck's sleeping with Vanessa.

He backed away from her as though she had just slapped him, and in a way she just had. "This just keeps getting better and better. Now you're telling me that while I was off the wall with grief over losing my father that you had the audacity to go and sleep with Jack? Just after you had claimed that you were in love with me and that you would stand by me through anything. Do you know what a hypocrite you are, Blair?"

"I'm sorry," Blair repeated it over and over again, as though that would erase everything. She went to touch his face, but he hastily backed away from her.

"Don't touch me."

"We always do this, Chuck." She dropped her hand, but appeared like she didn't want too. "I won't do this anymore. I'll own up to my actions. I did sleep with Jack, but you still slept with Vanessa too. Is that just all right in your mind and I'm blamed for everything?"

"You're contradicting yourself more and more, Blair. _You're_ the one who always blames me for everything. And forget about Jack for a second. How do you explain Carter? Do you have an excuse for doing that too?"

Blair's swallowed hard and for a moment looked as though she wasn't about to say anything, but she finally squeaked, "That was also a mistake, but in my defense I had just lost Yale and you weren't even there for me!"

Chuck began to pace around the room and thought about all that they had been through and what had brought them to this point. Especially Blair. How could she with no regret, just go and sleep with Jack? He turned back around to face her and she appeared as a fallen Madonna and that he had been the one that was wrong. "Those are just pathetic excuses Blair and I won't be buying into them anymore. I was dealing with my own crises, but you still find managed time to fuck my uncle. How could you do that?"

Blair didn't hesitant this time, but grabbed onto his wrist. He shook her off immediately. Her bravado started to fade. "It was just a one-night stand, Chuck. It meant nothing more to me than that."

"You still don't get it, Blair," he circled around the room again as though he was out to collect prey. "A one-night stand may be sleeping with Baizen, but not my uncle. Jack can never be just a fuck. We're related. What would happen if I did that to you? How would you feel? If I slept with one of your random relatives or Serena, before we were related? Would you forgive me?"

Her face turned grim suddenly and she stiffened, and he had his answer. "Exactly. You would _never_ forgive me. You especially would be a bitch to me every time we were in contact and you know that. Your words mean nothing to me anymore."

Chuck's mind swept him back to the day of his father's funeral and he wished that it wouldn't have, but now he couldn't help remembering Blair's words.

XOXO

"_Chuck! Stop!" Her voice penetrated his senses and it made him turn around. He wouldn't have done it for anyone else, but he could never turn Blair away completely from his life. Even through his grief, he knew in some reawakened part of his soul that he loved Blair Waldorf. _

_The grief was evident on every feature of his face. He knew that he looked dead. There was no light in his life anymore. Blair came running down the street towards him and he tried to control his emotions, but he barely regained control of his perfectly controlled mask before she reached him. _

_Blair stopped right in front of him. "Don't go. Or if you have to leave, let me come with you."_

_He grudgingly accepted that she was worried about him, but turned his back on her anyways. "I appreciate your concern," he mumbled as he reached for the door of his limo._

_Blair shook her head once, sending cascading chocolate curls all over the place. Chocolate curls that he wanted to bury his face in and breathe them in until the pain subsided. _

"_No, you don't," Blair said while giving him a knowing look. "You don't appreciate anything today, but I don't care. Whatever you're going through, I want to be there for you."_

_The pity came out in the waves off her expression and voice. It made him angrier than he thought possible. His eyes turned black with barely restrained rage, not just at her, but at everything. "How many times do we have to talk about this? You are not my girlfriend!"_

_He could see the defeat sagging through her, but at the last possible second she regained herself. That was one thing he had always loved about Blair, she could get through anything. "But I am me. And you're you." She reached for his hand and wrapped her slim fingers around his wrist. "We're Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck. The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything."_

"_And why would you do that?" He wanted to hear her say the words, and he saw her swallow the lump past her throat and he knew that they were coming, but at this exact moment he almost didn't want to hear them. It was ironic because this is what he had been pushing her for, but he couldn't give her what she wanted now. She deserved better than a broken shell of a boy. He wasn't a man._

_Emotion worked her throat as she said very clearly while clutching his hand, "Because I love you."_

_The grief that had been haunting his eyes disappeared if only for a second. Instead it was replaced by a longing, a longing for normalcy and somewhat of a stable life. A longing for Blair and everything that they could have and he found himself leaning towards her and he wanted to say those three words to her, but he couldn't. He wasn't whole and he couldn't give Blair a piece of himself when he had to fix everything. He had to be cruel and drive her further away. He snatched his hand away from hers and harshly said, "Well that's too bad." He wrenched open the door of his limo and bolted inside because he couldn't stand to be by the woman he loved one more minute. Before the limo sped away from the curve, he saw a perfect tear sliding down her cheek._

_XOXO_

Remembering that day brought an uncharacteristic laugh out of him. It was such bullshit. She claimed to love him, but all she had done was betray him.

She wiped a tear from her face and asked, "What could you be laughing about?"

"You," he said with a trace of bitterness. "I was just remembering that day that you told me that you loved me and I was thinking about how it was a lie."

Blair's face fell. "What? I didn't lie that day, Chuck. I was telling the truth."

"I know that you think you were," he admitted, "but that's far from the truth. If you love me so much, could you please explain to me how you managed since that day a few mere months ago to sleep with my best friend again, one of my worst enemies, and my uncle?"

Blair took an extremely large gulp of air before probably committing what was her most horrible sin yet. "I have something to tell you, Chuck."

"What now?"

"I just didn't sleep with Jack once. It was a couple of times that night, but it meant nothing. I'm so sorry. I just figured that I would be honest with you."

He took another step backwards and for a moment he felt like he might keel over, but he was determined to hurt her as much as she had just hurt him. His face twisted in a grimace of pain and without a syllable missing, he said, "I hate you."

TBC

**A/N: This is going to be a two parter. It also might not be ending so happily for Blair and Chuck. I think this would have been a better approach to go about this instead of just dismissing it, like it never happened on the actual show. A huge thank you to Alicia who has read most of this already and told me that it was quite good. Thanks! Let me know what you think of this. **


	2. Chapter 2

It's not the same- Chapter Two

_A/N: This is just to address those flamers that I got from a couple of people on the first chapter. This is a fic from Chuck's POV and I'm not forcing you to read it. I want to show what was going through his mind and why he has a reason to be angry. That being said, if you're an extreme Blair fan you are not going to like this chapter. Don't read it. I'm sure you are though._

She continued to look at him as though she couldn't believe the words that he had just uttered. The shock was evident in her expression and she appeared to be deeply hurt. Blair took a step back and brought a hand shakily up to her chest. "What did you just say to me?"

He could see the tears sparkling in her eyes yet again, and he felt a bit of remorse which he hated. "You heard me right," Chuck just wanted to leave, but he knew that he couldn't until they got a few things straightened out once again.

"Did you mean it?"

He knew that his next answer would basically define the rest of their relationship and his previous harsh words reverberated through his head. _I hate you, Blair._ He had said it. He had never met anyone who could get his emotions running so easily and he hated that. "I meant what I said to a certain extent," he paused before continuing, "I hate some of the things that you do to me."

A tear slid down her face and Blair wiped it away gently. It was almost a perfectly constructed act on her part. "How?"

"I hate that you make me care so much. I've never felt like that before and it drives me crazy. I don't know how to make it stop and I don't think that I even want too. Things would be so much simpler if I couldn't feel, but I can. I wish that I could go back to being that self-absorbed ass that I was before we happened," he said on a rush of air while motioning with his hand to her. "But I can't. You've fucked with my mind and most off all I wish I could get the image of Jack's hands all over you out of my fucking head. I hate that you slept with him. You're supposed to care enough about me or at least you claim to, but then you screw me over like everyone in my life has. You're no different. You just pretend to be."

Blair walked over to him and pulled his face down towards him. "You're going to listen to every word I have to say now Chuck, and you can't run. You have to stay here." She looked deeply into his eyes and the fear began to set in. "I love you, Chuck Bass. I have probably since a few days after our first time in your limo." He tried to pull away from her, but she wouldn't let him. "I love you so much that it consumes me with every fiber of my being. So don't you ever tell me that I don't care about you because that's bullshit! You know how I feel about you. I'm sorry about Jack, but we can get past all of that. We're Blair and Chuck. Remember?"

He shook his head wildly, trying to get himself to remember how she had betrayed him with his uncle. He would not be willed by her empty words. He finally succeeded in pushing her away and she stumbled a few steps backward. "I'll never forget or be able to forgive you for sleeping with Jack."

"What about Vanessa? How is all the blame on me?"

"Because sleeping with some whore that I care nothing about is not the same as sleeping with my uncle!" He enunciated every word, so that there would be no misunderstanding. He decided to change his tactic and try to get Blair to understand how deeply she had hurt him. "Do you really love me, Blair?"

"Yes," she smiled thinking that she may have finally gotten through to him. "Do you love me?"

Chuck didn't answer her question, but instead asked another of his own. "Weren't you in love with Nate last week? Now you're back to me again. That's quite convenient for you."

Her face quickly turned from loving to angry and hostile. "How can you bring up Nate? You know that was just because I couldn't have you."

"Is that so?" he questioned. "So explain to me again how you went from Jack to Carter, and back to Nate when you just love me so much?" The sarcasm dripped from his voice.

Blair sighed. "I'm going to explain it once more because I love you, but that's it. Carter meant nothing. Nate was something to fall back on because I couldn't have you and Jack was a mistake. The only thing I can say about Jack is that I was devastated by you leaving and I didn't know who else to turn too."

The anger that he had felt earlier had subsided somewhat, but with Blair's comment it came roaring back. He pointed his finger at her. "Don't you blame me for sleeping with Jack! Is anything ever your fault, Blair? How about the many times that you rebuffed me? I didn't start sleeping with your relatives, did I? I can't believe that you have the balls to blame me for sleeping with my uncle. You're such a bitch."

"Chuck, that's not what I meant."

"Yes, it is," he nodded and continued, " but that is something that I will not stand for and you should know that. This is what you do. You try to blame everything on me, but I will not listen to you prattle on about how screwing my uncle is _my_ fault!"

Blair cautiously walked over to Chuck. When she saw that he didn't begin to move away from her, she gently touched his arm. "We just have to get past it all. I can forgive you for your countless one night stands and you have to do the same with me. I love you, Chuck. Only you. There is nobody else. I know that you love me too. Our love is enough. So can we move on and can you forgive me?"

TBC

**A/N: Next chapter will be the last. I promise. If you like happy C/B endings, I will warn you now not to read the next chapter. **


	3. Chapter 3

It's not the same- Chapter Three

_A/N: I finished this days ago and decided to post it. *shrug* I just want to express my gratitude at those who have been there for me the last few days. Especially Jackie who has been trying to cheer me up. Love you. Now go and review. _

"Can you forgive me for sleeping with, Jack, Chuck? You have to at some point."

A mirthless laugh escaped his lips. "I would have an easier time attempting to forgive you if you _were_ actually sorry, but from what I can see you're not. You're still acting as if you did nothing wrong and that's something that I can't forgive."

Tension radiated in the room and Blair remarked, "I've said that I was sorry multiple times for sleeping with him. What else do you want me to do? How am I acting like I'm not sorry?"

"I want you to actual mean it and you don't. I know you better than anyone else does Blair, and I know you still don't fully realize the impact of what you've done."

She instantly became withdrawn from the conversation and muttered, "I'm not going to beg you, Chuck."

He nodded once and the pain that he had been trying to keep at bay came hurtling back and stabbed him right in the heart. He felt the tears burning the back of his eyes, but he would not cry in front of Blair Waldorf. He wouldn't cry period. He was stronger than that. "That's the difference between you and me. I would do anything if I thought that I was losing you. I've chased you almost the entire year and you're instantly ready to throw in the towel and give up."

"Because you won't forgive me!"

"You're not even trying though, Blair. That's the whole point of everything. You don't care enough about me or whatever we had to make it work. That's why it never would."

She buried her face in her hands while trying to regain her composure. If there was one thing that she hated, it was to lose control. "I just don't know what you want from me, Chuck."

"I know you don't," he whispered, "I wish you did. Do you remember when you threw that brunch for me and you caught me in Bart's office with those random whores and the drugs?"

Blair's eyes turned cold as ice and her posture stiff. "Of course I do. How could I ever forget pain like that?"

"The reason that I'm bringing up is because I fucked up so badly that day. I knew it then and I know it now. Jack was trying to corrupt me and I'm sure by that time that you already slept with him, but he was trying to get me to believe that he could give me everything that I needed and for a minute I believed him. I wanted to be independent, I wanted to be able to live without you, so I chose to go with him and screw everything up. I know that's not an excuse, I'm just trying to clarify what I felt that evening."

"Is this going somewhere, Chuck?" Blair's voice had softened, but she still appeared angry.

Yes," his gaze never wavered from her face. "I came to you that night to apologize from what I had done and you rebuffed me. You said that you were done and there was nothing that I could do. I groveled at your feet, begging you to forgive me and you had the nerve to say that we were done. You had slept with my fucking uncle, but you were ready to put all the blame on me for the whole incident. You weren't being entirely truthful though, were you Blair?"

"Chuck…"

"No," the sparks flew out of his eyes, making him appear more alive than ever. "I took full responsibility for all of it and I felt like I had to. It was my fault, but you had the nerve to play the innocent victim when you had done something worse than anything I have ever done. This is one of the reasons that I can never forgive you. You're never going to admit when you're wrong and you never came to me and told me what you did. You just kept it hidden."

"You're right," Blair admitted. "I did blame it all on you, but that was because I was so hurt about what you had done and you were wrong. I know that sleeping with Jack was wrong, but I was so upset. You just left Chuck, and I was devastated without you."

"And you gave up on me, Blair! You said that you would stand by me through anything and you don't know how much that meant to me, but then you went back on your word."

"I had to," she whispered. "I couldn't see you self destruct anymore. I didn't want to see that happen to you and then everything started going wrong in my life and I didn't know where to turn anymore."

"I would have fought for you Blair, if you were in the same situation that I was in. I would have fought to make sure that you knew how much I cared for you and how much that I needed you, but you just gave up on me."

She grabbed his hand and cradled it against her cheek. "I couldn't help it, Chuck. I even gave up on myself a little bit. I know that we're both sorry for what we have done. We just need to move past it and learn how to love each other again."

He found himself stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb and he forced himself to stop. This wasn't just about him anymore, he had to make sure that she fully understood how much that she had hurt him and that he couldn't just forgive her for that. She had to understand everything.

"Do you remember when I came back from Bangkok and you saw me at school smoking hash and you immediately asked me if I had anything to tell you?"

"Yes," she admitted warily. You remember that? I thought that you were so out of it then."

"I was, but I still remember our conversation." Every time the pain subsided, it came hurtling back towards him. "You tried to get me to admit how I felt about you, but when I didn't know then was that you slept with Jack. You had some many ample opportunities to tell me and I could have forgiven you if you had been upfront about it and admitted what you had done. Instead you hid it from me, like the dirty little secret that it was. How am I ever supposed to trust you after that?"

"We just have to work our way past it." She squeezed his hand. "We can do that. You know that we can."

He forced himself to drop her hand. Blair bit her lip and softly sucked the lower flesh between her teeth. He caught himself staring at that entrapped piece of flesh and he knew that Blair knew what she was doing to him. It was all just another game to her and he wasn't about to give in. "I think we could."

A radiant smile spread across her face. "You're admitting that we can, Chuck?"

"No," he said in a hard and clipped tone. "I'm saying that we could have if you would admit that what you did was wrong. I've admitted myself that it was wrong with some of the things that I've done, but I will not take all the blame like I usually do. That's over. I want to hear you say that you were wrong."

"Chuck," she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Just listen to me for a moment and that you can do whatever you want. Whatever has happened between us means nothing now. It really doesn't. It doesn't change how I feel about you. I love you no matter what. Can you say the same about me?"

"I want too, Blair," he admitted before saying, "I just don't know if he's possible anymore. I want to be able to forgive you, but what's going to change between us? We always manage to fuck up. Maybe we should just cut our losses while we still can. And you have some way of showing that you love me."

"No." Blair pulled his head down to hers and slanted her mouth over his. He didn't put up a fight. She pulled the flesh of his lower lip between her teeth and sucked gently. He placed his hands carefully at her waist. Chuck pulled her tighter against him and he opened his mouth to Blair. Her tongue found his and it felt familiar. It felt right. A moan escaped her mouth and she groaned, "I need you, Chuck."

The feelings that he had managed to keep at bay for the past few minutes returned. Jack, Carter, Nate, all of them with their hands all over her. Blair giving up on him right after saying that she loved him, her ignoring him for months, his stupidity at sleeping with Vanessa and thinking that he was in love with Elle. They couldn't work it out this time. He had to tell her the truth. He tore his mouth from hers and noticed her well kissed mouth. He strode to the other side of the room and faced her. He was about to tell her the cold hard truth and he would make sure that she listened to it.

"I've realized that I can't forgive you, Blair. I don't even want to, and maybe that's fucked up on my part, but as of now I can't stand to look at you. All I see is Jack. His hands all over your body, touching you when I'm only supposed to touch you, and him making you cum. I can't help but think that you enjoyed it a little bit. I'm done, Blair."

She grabbed onto his arm and basically sank to her knees to try and avoid him leaving which she knew he was about to do. "I'm so sorry, Chuck. I never meant to sleep with him. I was drunk and before I knew what I was doing, it was already over. I took comfort knowing that it was a Bass, but I wanted it to be you. We can make this work. Just tell me that you want to fight for us."

He pulled her back up to her feet and thrusted his face very close to hers. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? That sleeping with him would bring you closer to me because he's a Bass?" His voice turned hard and brittle, and Blair backed away from him. She was scared of his ferociousness from the first time.

"I just keep saying the wrong things, don't I?" She wiped her hand across her face several times to catch the tears. "All I know is that I love you and I'm finally not scared to admit it. Doesn't that count for something?"

"Maybe at one point it would have, but it doesn't anymore." The bitterness was erased from his face and pure sadness remained. He walked to the door.

"Where are you going?" She shrieked, suddenly terrified that he was going to make good on his promise and just walk out of her life for good this time.

He turned the door knob, but before he left, he said, "I'm leaving. For once I want you to feel like I did when you rebuffed me all those times. For every time that I felt crushed because of you and for the fact that you made me want to live after Bart's death, but then had the nerve to go and sleep with _him._ You'll understand one day why I feel like this. You will understand why Vanessa and Jack aren't the same and can't be compared, but first you have to grow up. I don't know if that will ever happen though." He looked at her face one last time and saw the despair. He knew what he had to do.

He slammed the door shut, leaving her alone, just like she deserved.

She was about to start crying yet again when she saw that he left, but she decided to pull herself together. She drew inspiration from one of her favorite movies. _Gone with the Wind._ What did Scarlett do when Rhett walked out on her? She was ready to fight for the man that she loved. Blair wasn't any different. She would fight for Chuck. She would make him believe that she could change and that she really did love him.

Fin.


End file.
